Way back in my growing years, I lived
in a community that practised its Catholicism
quite unawares of the shakiness of its structure
of fervent piety on the undergrowth of an abandoned past.
Nobody gave a thought to revolt about forced conversion
being a crime. Even me, with an already hidden wisdom, at the age of four,
in my first essay on myself, wrote down in perfect English
for my age that: My life’s ambition was to be a priest.
My teacher gently patted me on my cheek!
And what did I feel? vindicated? Switch to the age of twelve,
when the first signs of a complete heresy took over me,
even though I was daunted into a secrecy due to the general consensus,
I confessed to a classmate that I hated priests.
He at once made it known to the clergy that ran my convent school.
It invited much animosity, but I mustered the courage to even
walk out of a class on religion in antagonism, leaving the priest fuming at me, consequently!
I reckoned the Acts of Faith, Hope and Charity had no imposing influence on me!
You can see that I stopped confessing and receiving holy communion, even at that innocent age!
It was an unexplored but avenging recount of a past life.
In fact, by then, a secret divine whisper in my ear had already informed me
that of all the souls that are damned, the most are Christian!
I did not dispute anything aloud, and most teachers thought my character was exemplary
Yes, my inherent talent of sublime wisdom invited envy from classmates,
who then ganged up on me to bully me. And when I disappointed at the board exams
in my final year at school by getting lesser grades than was expected of me,
it reactioned a mockery out of celebration from many a priest and fellow classmate!
I don’t know if in subtle rejection, I opted for a college run by Muslim clerics,
who seemed to hold me in high esteem. I was never mediocre, only shy.
But that didn’t stop me from, sometimes, exhibiting my, to others, amazing perspective!
I was always lost in the idea of myself in the state of existence. I was never an existentialist.
But I was profoundly convicted of right from wrong. And I had already started satirising all that proclaimed their own goodness.
Yet it was still secret: the idea of right from wrong, and the irony of upholding hate over love, when necessary.
Astuteness was always my forte on the foundations of my mysticism and mythology.
I only began to vocalise my deeper understanding of reality from illusion when I was nearing 60! How odd! How sad! How unfortunate!
But it was a matter of timing! I realised the general verdict was against me, despite my unique place in the universe!
Why? Because the elitists wanted their power! And the treacherous didn’t want to suffer for their crimes!
I didn’t want revenge so much as I wanted the reinstitution of truth and justice.
And I had sworn there cannot be love and peace pre-empting the primacy!
Because of the continuity of the treachery to subjugate me and ensnare me, I had to resort to violence, if I committed any!
I simply know I’ll never forgive those who don’t deserve to be forgiven!
You can’t dissolve a Godly premise because you all want a deceitful compromise and convenience!
I just have no inhibitions to discard and decry such spinelessness!
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