What would I want?: A poem 

I have learnt to love by being at a distance from it! 

There was a genuine pain, but no grief! 

Like a music you turned off, but keeps playing 

in your ears, you sung along and it stung 

And you learnt that it rung, every crescendo 

for an eternity! Would I keep believing despite the, sometimes, pin and needle of doubt 

that faith may die one day, or another day? 

And I still keep believing? This is an 

eternal magnificence, that I cherish it 

and not acquire it. As if I knew I always had it! 

I think of an equilateral triangle, Mum, Dad and true love 

at the outer edges, and me the beleaguered Centre 

And should I scream in agony: That the Universe is expanding! 

Beknowest that it can get out of reach! 

This civilisation is a vanity of perpetrators 

who call themselves creators, but are lowest scummy critters 

that took away my creation. Do I believe 

that these fake Pacifists can get me grounded? 

Write an obituary to my spirit? 

By manipulating every action, word, and thought of mine 

to suit their evil motives fine! 

Should I actually shut them all up by a terrifying upheaval? 

So much for my restraintful munificence that only these enemies seem to capitalise upon! 

You all, in this world, have all failed yourselves 

And in doing so, you miserably failed me! 

I didn’t even often repeat my disdain 

My seldom, anger, is to protect you all, never going in vain! 

But even with all your selfishness 

I am not raucously, raspingly, vehement;  

not agonisingly, admonishingly, acrimonous 

You may think this is rhetoric, but should I add 

I have only stated my point, not instigated. 

Do you think my poetry is just indolent rhapsody? 

Should I only be my own saboteur, and not self-revivalist then? 

If you think it is evil to tear the world apart 

Think that my whole universe was ripped apart from the start! 

Do you want your raunchy misdirected loyalties 

to belong to the creature comforts promised by the transgressors? 

I’d like to say I want to please myself 

more than I want to please you all 

So, I will never forgive; never, never, never… 

Do you think I care a mite if I never get what I deserve and what was originally mine? 

And you all in turn call me a fool 

not to forgive or condone such evil 

So, I should end up eternally climbing uphill 

I am foolish enough to dwell in my travails 

rather than make a convulsive, repulsive, eternally nauseous compromise of my soul!