So many questions I seek to ask without expecting any answers!: A poem

Do you see my coat of arms, my heraldry, my chivalry?

That I must necessitate the needful with no help from

my loyalties – to secure what truth must unfold? Do you feel

my pain bear into the veins of your soul, that you, then, begin

to feel nervy in your anxiety, if you would hope for my success?

Is success defined by victory or the awakening to the clarion call

of the most difficult duty, and walking the way with no gain in mind? Do I feel

reassurance in your wanting to console my relentless bereavement

and being unable to do so? Do I understand that you encourage

my bravery in fighting evil,  despite you being infiltrated by evil

yourselves? Do I dare the wickedness that has made love a folly, and made

me witness to the failure of love? How is love bound by treachery,

such that it cannot seek the affirmation of love? I am not afraid of the devolution,

the depreciation of my purpose and value. Not even the seeming dysfunctionality of my

rendering a battlecry, but having to subsist by the sides of evil! Is this

encumbering lethal shit of evil the only way out for destiny, that it must be subject

to the lethal shit to survive? Did I not forsake all my loyalties to the triviality of defeat,

despite my pain, only to morph into an aloneness to confound the shapeshifters?

Is such aloneness my only chance at Universality and salvaging? I love unabashedly, and

cannot love as well, ruefully; but I seek my own courage in the predicament, laughing in

silence (without tears) at my scourging in a perpetual Gethsemane! Am I a saviour,

when I have no saviour for my poor self itself, only sparring adversaries? Where does love

begin when it doesn’t show? Does love transmute from gold to lead, because it has to show

up as my enemy to remain undefeated and free of the shapeshifting wicked who exist as my only

options? So, do I have to refrain to repair? Do I have to restrain to resolve? Do I have to abrogate and

abstain to acquiesce to my own purpose? I am just asking myself all these questions, because I know

there are no answers in my solitudinal and attitudinal deferment. I am still not assuming but

I am persevering: That I am Nobody’s Child!